Building a Fort to Escape Life.

Posted By on Dec 30, 2014 | 6 comments


Once upon a time in college I built a fort under my bed, hanging a collection of pareos over the bed corners like sheets. For a week, I warmed tomato soup in my rice cooker and hung out in the tent under my bed, separated from the world.

 

Naturally, my roommates concern grew in my absence. When their hands would part the pareos, I’d cringe a little and force a smile repeating that I was fine.

 

That week I wanted everyone to leave me the hell alone. I’d known I was a loner in high school but I hadn’t realized yet that I was an introvert.

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To this day people assume I’m wildly social. I used to be the girl at parties that people would ask, “How drunk are you!”

 

I’d think, Um, not at all. I just like dancing on the bar . . . Who doesn’t?

 

People often think I have a million friends and swing from arm to arm, yet some of my favorite nights have been in my empty, completely silent apartment. I can turn on like a flashbulb, burn bright and sparkly, but risk going home from events with headaches.

 

Introverts today have been wildly written about. We’re not hermits or incapable of social interaction. After being social, introverts need time to recharge their batteries.

 

A few days this month, an overwhelmed feeling got the best of me. I found myself cringing at every obligation, every planned interaction. I’d observe my cat with longing, wishing I could trade lives with her for a few lazy days.

 

For the first time in years, I recalled building a fort under my college bed. A similar feeling crept into my blood- a longing to escape life.

 

Everyone can feel this way – life pressing at all angles, wishing a pause button existed.

 

Christmas time can be overwhelming. Many emotions couple with the closeness of family, shopping obligations, and travel.

 

We all built “forts under our beds.” Some of us shut off emotionally. Some of us plaster on our party mask. Some of us hide anxiety or depression. Some of us fill the holes with alcohol, sex, or food.

 

This New Year, lovingly tear down your fort! Ask yourself these questions to help accomplish this.

 

1) What is your “fort?”

Identify what your fort looks like. Is it a metaphorical mask? Do you seek control over an area of your life such as body image or food?

 

2) Why are you building the “fort?”

“Forts” protect us and provide and a safe place to hide. There’s a part of you that feels threatened or unsafe. What are you hiding from? If you tore down the “fort,” what do you fear might happen? Answer: X

 

3) What do you truly long for?

If you weren’t afraid of X what would you be instead? The opposite of what you fear is usually what you desire. If you are afraid of rejection then you probably long for acceptance or unconditional love. If you’re afraid of letting people down then you may long to feel internally worthy, despite external accomplishments.

 

4) What’s a tiny action step? What’s the root?

Once you know what you want, you can take baby steps towards that desire. In my college fort example, I needed ME time, without people asking anything of me or wanting my attention. The root of my need was to learn boundaries, how to create swinging doors instead of walls or “forts” to keep people out.

 

My tiny action step was to take a day of MEcation. After one day of being completely alone, my desire to live in the fort under my bed magically dwindled.

 

 

In my case, with the physical fort, the answer was a simple fix. The root issue of creating boundaries took me years to grasp. But that’s ok. Learn the simple tricks that work for you while taking baby steps towards the root issue.

 

Stay tuned next week for a chat about how to start your New Year off with a positive inventory.

 

Remember:
You are awesome
and capable of great things.
Brave your journey
into the heart of the labyrinth.
You are loved.

 

tent-548022_1280With Love,
Z :)

 

 

 

 

6 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Yes, Christmas and all the expectations that others have placed on the holidays can certainly make one feel the need to escape. But that escape also allows us to not look our obligations, our stress, our fears right in the face. A comfort zone is different for each and every one of us. I admire your need to go into your “fort” and recharge your batteries – a great idea and one I might just have to ponder more. I prod myself to stay busy and to ignore those yearnings for a moment in the “fort” but maybe I just need that one in a while. Keep a smile on your face because you are truly a light in this world.

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    • Z Zoccolante

      Thank you We all need our little moments of escape so we can look our life in the face and smile.

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  2. Avatar

    This is an amazing well written piece of article. I tend to get isolated too when I get stressed or burned out. I call that as going into my ‘cave’ and this is exactly how it feels like.

    Post a Reply
    • Z Zoccolante

      Thank you Sakshi. I like your “cave” metaphor. It’s a good hibernation spot in those situations. Getting burned out is a trigger for all kinds of cave behavior. May this New Year bring less cave time/fort time for us both. Z :)

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  3. Avatar

    Oh how true it is when you just want to hide in your little fort. I have been thinking a lot lately about the times to say yes to people and do things with them. Or taking a break from it all. I know if I change my attitude and and do things with others I am happier. I love having friends and family to hang out with. I save time for myself and have my “me” time but would miss the friendships if I said no all the time. I guess we just have to find the balance and peace we are seeking within ourselves. Love reading your blogs. I like your MEcation. I think you can do that in your own home by doing what makes you feel good. Hot chocolate, doing a spa day for yourself at home or just cuddling up and reading a good book or listening to soothing music. Wishing you love, peace and good health in the New Year.

    Post a Reply
    • Z Zoccolante

      Very true. There is a lovely balance between me time and the importance of cultivating friendships. I like your at home MEcations ;). Love to you in the New Year. Z :)

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