A Life In Focus
By Z Zoccolante
Life gives us what we focus on. It gives us the things that we desire with joy. It also gives us the things we are afraid of and mull over. Because the unspoken rule of energy is that we create what we focus on.
Energy is like food. If we feed something, by our focus on it (whether positive or negative), it get’s bigger, stronger, more robust.
Scrolling online the other day I laughed when I saw a post saying something like, “You attract what you fear.” And the response below,
“Oh my God, I’m so scared of $10.6 Billion.”
There is truth in this response: we attract what we focus on.
This can work against us in life, for example, in connection with others. Let’s look at it through the lens of relationship. If we’ve been hurt, gotten our hearts broken, felt abandoned, or experienced trauma, there is a part of those thorns that live somewhere in our energetic body.
For example, we may be able to say with a good feeling that we believe in love, or marriage, or honest people. We believe that people are good or that we are lovable.
But if we’ve had the experience of being left, lied to, heartbroken, then our energy body doesn’t believe it based on past experience. It may be waiting for the other shoe to drop. We might lash out in new relationships. We might attract people who repeat the same story.
That is until we are willing to change our vibration.
We will continue to attract what we desire, fear, and focus on. We will continue to attract connections and events that treat us the way we feel about ourselves.
If we’re mean to ourselves everyday, we may attract someone who is also unkind. If we don’t respect ourselves, we might attract someone who doesn’t respect us.
The common denominator is always us. We are the catalyst to any change we want to see in our lives or the world around us.
The steps to change are simple.
1) First become aware of your behavior.
Awareness includes seeing our blindspots. Often, I call my best friend and tell her this is the situation and I feel some type of way. Is there something I’m not seeing? And she’s honest with me, with love. Sometimes she tells me, “friend this this and this is all your crap.” I can hear that from her because we’ve established trust. And so I get off the phone and address is, or sit with it, and clear it.
If you have someone that will be honest with you ask them if they can see a blindspot. Be open to listening with curiosity. It doesn’t ever feel great to hear that you could be doing something better, but that’s how we really grow and become better, by addressing those hard things in ourselves.
2) Be With the Emotion.
A lot of times we feel all types of ways about things. Some of us have been taught not to feel emotions, or not to express them. If we don’t feel an emotion it will stay in our body instead of passing through us to clear. Feel your emotions. Sit with them, whatever the feeling without needing them to be different or to go away (when you don’t resist them you will find that they change shape and often dissipate).
At one point in my life, I prayed and cried in my closet every day for an hour for a few months. It helped me to grieve the loss of something huge. Find someplace safe and practice expressing emotion – whether it’s screaming in your car, crying, singing, dance, prayer and worship, journaling.
These are all ways to feel in a safe way.
3) Feed the Positive Things
Choose to focus on the positive things. You can do this even if things are not good, or even if things are changing. There is always an opportunity to learn something and see something new. There is an opportunity, for example, at work to eat up all the gossip or to not participate in that energy. The more we feed drama, the more dramatic it can be. Feed the things you want more of. Feed the ways you want to feel (even if you don’t feel that yet).
The world is made of energy and we have power to create changes in our lives. Take responsibly for our part in a situation. And know that we pull into our world the things we spend our time focusing on.
Focus on the things you want.
Put your energy on the things you want more of.
Clear out the things that no longer serve you.
If you need help doing this, I’m an advocate of therapy. One modality I really like, and believe in, is EMDR, which helps to process trauma without having to talk about every part of it.
If you’re looking for a therapist and feel lost, check out my article How to Find a Therapist You Love.
Have a wonderful week. Forward Locomotion. Focus on the joy.