Z’s Wonderland


How Do I Love Thee By Z Zoccolante   Let me count the ways. . .   What are you missing? he asked me, as he massages my back? Or rather do you feel as though you’re missing something?   The answer pools in, immediate and fresh, a knowing, like something that was knitted into my bones and sinew.   Ever since I was little, I tell him, I’ve written stories about a best friend. A boy. My best friend. And we’d adventure...

Read More

When Boundaries Feel Selfish or Mean By Z Zoccolante   Boundaries are a word that’s thrown around a lot in adulthood. For some of us, the concept of giving to others is something we were taught to do, even to the point of over giving ourselves.   One of the most important phrases I learned in my late 20’s was:   “Just because I can do something it doesn’t mean that I should.”   For example, just because I can...

Read More

Letting Go of the Flash Flood By Z Zoccolante   There are days when memories burst through my brain like a flash flood without warning, swooping in to rewind time and wash me up on the shores of things I’ve forgotten.   They come at the strangest of times, when I’m five feet in the air on an aerial silk and. Flash flood. I’m entering our house on a Saturday afternoon over five years in the past. I can feel the sun glowing...

Read More

A Place to Call Home By Z Zoccolante   This weekend I took a trip to the Grand Canyon. It was my first time there. Because I grew up in Hawaii, I’ve done more international travel than the in the United States. One of my French friends who lived in LA for six months saw more in that time than in the eight years I’d lived here full time.   I think some of it is that I get comfortable and lazy. I’m reminded of how I use TV to...

Read More

You “Should” be Over This Already By Z Zoccolante   This weekend I went to a Kundalini Yoga class with a friend. The room is dim as we walk in a few seconds late and pull our mats to the empty space in the room. We lie down as the teacher’s soothing voice drifts into my consciousness like a lullaby.   It takes me only a few minutes before the tears start, and they don’t stop until they turn the lights up again. It’s not the...

Read More

What It Feels Like to Stay By Z Zoccolante   Geneen Roth, one of my favorite writers on women and our bodies wrote, “We intuitively understand that we want something we cannot see or touch but we don’t know how to name or access it. And so, we fall back into believing that being thinner will right everything that is wrong. The only problem with that is that it is based on a lie.” – Geneen Roth   I remember this period of my...

Read More