Z’s Wonderland


What if I Don’t Trust Myself? By Z Zoccolante   The night before I checked into the eating disorder treatment hospital, I wrote in my journal,   I don’t think I can get better . . . but I’m hoping I can prove myself wrong.   I’m a smart girl, but up until that point I’d tried for years to stop binging and purging, to stop restricting what I ate, to stop hating my body in the mirror. But daily I failed.   After...

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What if You Fell Into a Hole? By Z Zoccolante   What if you fell into a hole and you couldn’t get out? Would you eat yourself? What part would you start with first?   This weekend I was reminded of the bright, fuzzy poem above that my brother wrote in high school.   This weekend I was at an EMDR seminar (eye movement desensitization reprocessing). In short, EMDR is a fantastic therapy tool to help the brain reprocess...

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Love is All This By Z Zoccolante *Yay! Episode 3 of Throwing Up Rainbows is out! Or listen on iTunes and please write us a review so people can find us. Thanks.   All the many conversations I’ve had about love, the ones over coffee with a rainbow in the backdrop. The ones curled on the couch late at night. The ones that have been going on since the beginning of the world.   Love is a web, tendrils in all directions. Love is...

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The Ashes of Forgiveness By Z Zoccolante *New Podcast Episode: Check out episode 2 of the Throwing Up Rainbows podcast available now on our website, iTunes, and Stitcher. And now today’s blog –   I burned it as I whispered the words over and over and over . . .   I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.   The photo burned from left to right in perfect symmetry, blue and orange flames, erasing time,...

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Something Old, Something New By Z Zoccolante   Yesterday my dog Vega got a new toy. As I rip open the little package that arrives in the mail and peer into the bag my eyes glaze a tad with tears. Even though I bought it for her, the sight of it catches my breath. You see, it was a new toy but and an old toy at the same time.   “Lammie,” I croon softly into the package as Vega’s head tilts to the side, ears flopping, brow in...

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Hi Friends, I’m ecstatic to let you know that this month on January 23rd, my latest project will be launching. It’s a podcast called Throwing Up Rainbows and it’s about addictions and destructive behavior. Season 1 invites you into the secret world of eating disorders. I’m going to let you into my personal world of darkness and light, by sharing compelling, personal tales of my eating disordered past. In case...

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