N.O. Two little letters. Put together, that tiny word can sharply slice our egos and bruise our feelings. But if we’re planning on being significant in life we’re going to hear “no” a hell of a lot more than we hear “yes.” Nobody likes to hear NO, but if we can understand how to adjust our attitude about the “dreaded no,” it can prove to be a blessing in disguise, something we can shrug off easily with a happy smile.

Zig Ziglar talks about how people often get confused when they hear the word no, because they think the person is rejecting them. Really, the person is rejecting the business deal. He says that the CEO of a company hears “No” a lot more than the lower sales person.

This seems counter intuitive but it’s not.

The person higher makes exponentially more calls to clients thereby getting a large number of “No’s” but also getting more “yes’s.” The higher person in the company takes more rejection, and thus at the same time receives more acceptance.

When I first heard this, it made complete sense. Our culture tends to associate who we are as a person with our looks, jobs, social status, and fun toys. Therefore we have a tendency to see ourselves through this same lens of judgment.

However, with every decision there are always more factors than we realize. There’s the saying, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” That’s true. Let’s pretend you work at 1 of the 400 enclosed cubicles in your office space. You are not aware of what is happening in the other 399 cubicles and it would be ignorant of you to claim that you do. Yet, that’s what we do everyday.

When someone says “No” to us and we feel badly, it’s like living in that 1 cubicle pretending we know what’s happening in the other 399.

Let’s say I have a meeting with a talent agent (company investor, etc). I’m laser beaming positive vibes and manifesting that this is the deal, but the person says no. All of a sudden I feel as though I have put the entire fate, even the success of my acting career on needing this one agent and they said “NO!” AAAAHHHH it’s a long drop from my heart to the floor.

In reality, this agent or investor might have been the completely wrong person for me to partner with. Perhaps if I had asked myself what I really wanted the answer would not have been X agent, etc, but rather that I wanted to feel powerful, have a sense of momentum, a successful thriving business, makes lots of income, love my work.

The reality is that there are countless ulterior motives that we each have behind the things we say we desire. Why we desire them is what we really want. We don’t want that investor or agent but instead we want all the feelings etc we think that person will provide for us.

Before we move forward it’s important to know what you really want. Take one of your top goals in life right now and ask yourself: Why do I really want X? What does having/being/doing X, offer me? If I get X then what will I have? Take 2 minutes and jot down your answers in free writing format. Keep repeating the questions until you get to the heart of it.

Great. Now, that you are clear on what it is you want it’s vital to know that the world conspires to give us what we truly want. But the world is a strange place and sometimes blessing come in disguise. For example, let’s say you’ve been praying to get a raise and instead at the meeting with your boss you get fired. The world is opening a door for your dream job. Let’s say you want a bigger house and your house catches fire and burns to the ground. Congrats now you are forced to get a new house.

I admit I’m being a tad glib but why not have a sense of humor about it? My friend and I have a running joke we now use when “bad” things happen. When I was having anxiety my car would stall on the 405 because it’s been having issues starting, she tells me. “That’s awesome friend. I’m so excited for you.”

Perhaps you are thinking, ok chicklet, get a new friend, but to be fair I started the game. We both consciously play, because it reminds us that when things go “wrong,” the world is opening for something wonderful and amazing to happen.

We don’t know the method that our desires will be delivered to us, because we don’t know what we don’t know. We don’t know what’s happening in the other 399 rooms. The bad news or no’s could easily be the best new or yes’s in disguise.

If we can keep positive when things happen and see them as working out in our benefit even if we don’t know how, they will.

The world God made is a living breathing life force and we must treat it as such, as a good friend who wants us to thrive and wants to happily provide us the best way to make that happen.

So the next time you hear “No” whether as a no, or in the form of “bad news,” remember that it’s not a reflection of you personally. Smile.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

The path to something wonderful might have just opened and you don’t want to miss it by pouting in the corner.

With Love,

Z :)