Getting Our Needs Met
By Z Zoccolante
This week I’ll keep it short, sweet, and fitting with the theme of the week for many people in my life.
I find that clients, friends, and myself have come to a theme of the week: Will our needs be met?
It seems to be a deep dark question that stems back to childhoods or those places in our lives where we felt as though we were abandoned by others or ourselves.
I had a client today who wanted to ignore an old part of herself completely because she felt it was weak. I told her that all parts of us are us. I asked her what the little part of her wanted. She said she didn’t even want to look.
So we explored and when I asked her, could that part of you have made better decisions at that time she said, maybe. And I said, ok well if she could have why didn’t she? There was a long pause and she said, “because she didn’t think that her needs would be met if she chose the healthy choice.” Ahhhh. That’s interesting.
A friend of mine had an experience recently of the same thing and the lesson was that his needs could be met with love instead of the way that love had been twisted in his past and involved a lot of hurt and suffering.
A friend of mine leaves tomorrow on a trip and just today she found a cool person to rent her place out while she’s on vacation. Need met.
Today, I posted a Facebook post asking if someone would be able to help me fix my blog because for the past few weeks it hasn’t been sending to my subscribers. I know some technology but this was where I knew I needed some help.
About 2 hours later a good friend of mine who’s living abroad messaged me on WhatsApp and said that he saw my post and could help me out virtually.
Twenty minutes later, he spent a little over an hour with me as we screen shared and he messed around with things that were over my head. We got to chat about life and catch up a bit and in the end, we had to chat with my hosting company who found a glitch with a server and fixed it. This will be the test post :)
The point is that I didn’t realize it but I wanted someone that I trusted, obviously because I’d be giving them passwords to my account, etc.
And a friend showed up just when I needed some assistance. And I felt super loved and so grateful for my friend taking time from his day to spend with something that was important to me.
So, the theme of the week is that we all have parts of ourselves where we feel that we won’t get our needs met if we x or y. So those parts of us often act out or hide. They don’t want to get on board with being healthy sometimes. Other times we don’t want them to show. A lot of people have a difficult time asking for help often because our needs weren’t met at some time in the past.
So, I’m here to tell you the lesson that my friend gave me the wording for, “Our needs can be met with love.”
Our needs can be met with love.
And I want to remind everyone this week to spend some time with those parts that you may not like as much. Treat them like kids. Tell them that they don’t have to take on the responsibly of making those choices anymore because you will. You as the healthy adult will make decisions now. All those parts of yourself were there for a reason and they were doing the best they could at that time to protect you.
The best way to be safe is love all parts of you. Talk to them with kind conversations. Love them. Validate them. Tell them you appreciate the ways they tried to come up with solutions and you’ve got this now.
Our needs can be met with love.