The #1 Reason to be Kind to Others

The #1 Reason to be Kind to Others
By Z Zoccolante
(Listen to the audio of this wonderful post in the blue box below!)

Life is full of beauty, bliss, and joy. It can also be exhausting. On the shadow side of the joyful coin lie pain, anxiety, heartbreak, and the plethora of huge and small stresses that weave together to make a life.

Years ago, I had a roommate who’d lash out when they felt insecure. On many occasions, I’d come home from having an emotional day and be met with a comment or remark that sliced my already fragile skin. One day, I went in their room and while they played video games I wrote in dry erase marker on their mirror:

Kindness matters. Kindness matters. Kindness matters.

They watched me out of the corner of their eye but said nothing. I was sure they’d erase it, but instead it stayed up there like a mirror tattoo, for months.

Kindness is one of the most important qualities we need. Kindness is necessary, towards others and ourselves, on a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment, basis.

The truth is that we have no idea what other people are struggling with. I wonder what the world would look like if we were required to wear t-shirts that said, “Fragile, handle with care,” during difficult times in our lives. If we looked around, I’d bet a high percentage of people would be wearing the shirt.

Yet, during the course of our day we become so wrapped up in ourselves that we forget that every person in our path that day has a world of their own – with joy and sorrows. We forget that they might be barely hanging on and that our words, and our actions, can either speak love or discouragement.

Last week, I had my dog with me while a friend and I popped into the grocery store. I brought my dog in with me because she has separation anxiety, but a customer immediately complained to the manager.

So, I put my dog back in the car with food, water, and all four windows rolled down a few inches. I checked my watch in order to be back in ten minutes. The problem is that she freaks out when I leave, as though I’m abandoning her for all eternity.

Sure enough, the store manager told me that someone in the parking lot was making a huge fuss. As I approached my car, there were three ladies gathered there. “She’s fine,” I said as I approached, preparing to tell them how she only looks like she’s loosing her mind. Immediately, one of the older ladies came at me yelling full force about how this is unacceptable and should never happen and how my dog is in distress, etc, etc.

She’d pegged me as the horrible pet owner and with her aggressive yelling, my heart raced and my skin began to ignite. There was a part of me that actually hoped she’d swing at me because I’m going through a rough time in my life, and the shadow side of me would’ve liked to put my fist directly into her face, and slam it down into the white paint of my trunk.

I took out my phone and said, “She’s been in there for 9 minutes and she had food and water, etc.” The lady heard none of it and argued with me that it wasn’t 9 minutes (how can you even argue that?).

I found myself watching each finger go up in front of my face as I angrily counted each one from 1 to 9. I found myself infuriated because she didn’t know me at all and what a great pet owner I am :).

It was like I was watching myself from two places. The first place was the one that wanted to face plant her into the metal on the trunk of my car. At the same time this anger raged in me, I had the passing thoughts, “What would Jesus do? You’ve been reading your Bible lately what does it say? Remember to be kind, always. Be kind. Do not repay evil for evil. Be kind. Kindness matters.”

I looked at the ground and took a deep inhale and turned a bit away from her. “I’m not arguing with you about this,” I said, firmly and then repeated it again. It wasn’t delivered with sweet kindness but it was as much as I could muster in that moment.

She stormed away telling me I could take it up with the cops. Sure enough, she’d called the cops. I explained what had happened, telling them that she was crazy and yelling at me. I also said that I do understand where she might have been coming from because my dog has separation anxiety and she does look like she’s in distress, in spite of the food, water, and air she’s getting.

My voice cracked as I spoke and I looked away so I didn’t begin sobbing. (I’m a really good pet owner and those women have no idea what’s happening in my life right now). The officer asked me sincerely, “Can we do anything for you?”

My heart flooded. It wasn’t an empty question. I knew if I answered they would do anything in their legal power to assist me. I smiled and thanked them.

“You’re dog looks fine to me,” he said, as him and his partner nodded at my dog who stood peaceful at my side.

My body was still surged from the interaction, but I was disappointed. I was a little disappointed that I let my anger get the best of me and looked at her with violence in my eyes. Second, I was disappointed at the older woman (the other two were annoying but approached me with some kindness so I ended up talking with them after the mean lady stormed off). I was disappointed at how easily we loose our humanity, how quickly we judge and execute others, and how a stranger felt it appropriate to yell at me in a parking lot insinuating I was an awful person and a horrible pet owner.

This encounter was a clear reminder that we have no idea what people are going through. And no matter what, kindness matters. Kindness is the #1 thing that all our fragile hearts need.

Remember to be kind.
Always.
To yourself
and to everyone you meet.

P.S. Since that day, I made a sign to keep the meanies away. So far it’s working.

With Love,
Z :)