Can Someone Else Do It
By Z Zoccolante
The day before, my car maintenance light goes on, which usually means I need an oil check. I drove it for a day ignoring it because I have life things to do. But the next day when I saw the words on my dash I thought, darn, yes, this needs my attention.
I call my dad because I need a refresher on how to change my oil. I know, I know what some of you might be thinking. I was the girl with the dad who constructed motorcycles from parts and I’d spend hours in the garage feeling brain dead that I couldn’t seem to get it straight which was the Philips head and the other one. The straight or crossed one as I thought of them.
I pop my hood and search for a solid minute to find the latch to release my hood. I know it’s there, my fingers just couldn’t seem to find it. Then I stare at my engine for another minute attempting to locate the oil and the dip stick. I find it and take a reading and long story short I think I need oil.
The next day I go to get oil, to 2 places that don’t have the exact type I need. I know the type because my dad explained how to google the year, model, and weight. Finally, I go to the place I got my car maintained the last time. They are lovely and check it for me and show and tell me that my oil is in fact fine. Yay.
What I notice about this experience is the point of this blog. My internal process around it was interesting. Although checking oil might seem like a small thing, I lacked self-confidence because I didn’t know exactly what to do. A part of me wanted to give up. A part of was annoyed, agitated, and on edge. A part of me felt like it was an overwhelming task. A part of me felt like I might be taken advantage of in some way. A part of me wanted someone else to do it. Really, I found myself saying, I just wish a had a dude to do this crap for me because I don’t like this stuff, followed by being annoyed that I didn’t have a dude to do this for me, followed by I wishing I had someone else to do it for me.
WOW. As I followed the process I thought to myself. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?! A simple thing like checking the oil brought all these feelings up. WOW, just wow.
For a moment, I wanted to shame myself, but then I was kind to myself instead.
A moment after that I got to step into gratitude. I got to realize that some of my old mindsets around scarcity or lack got triggered. Some of my old mindsets around not trusting myself got triggered.
However, they are just that – old mindsets. And when I take a look at them, roll them over in my palms, I can see them differently upon introspection, and I can flip the switch.
So, I did. I flipped the switch to gratitude – for being thankful that I have a great little car, for being so thankful that my ex-love bought it for me before our relationship ended and I got to keep it when we separated paths. I am thankful that I have a dad who I can call to ask advice around important things and guy stuff and who I trust will help me with anything (not just guy stuff). That now in my life I do believe that people in the world are kind and want to help me, like the guy at the station that checked my oil and showed me it was good and didn’t charge me to do that and was super cool about it. I am thankful that I do actually feel like an adult now in my life and even if shit hits the fan I will figure out how to deal with it. That God’s got my back and things are all figure-out-able.
My vulnerable underbelly was the belief that can’t someone else do it for me. That was an old belief. Today was a good reminder for me that the way I live my now is different from where I’ve been in my past.
The world is a wonderful place full of people who are kind, and can help and support me. I am given so many cool little gifts every day in many different forms. I have an awesome family and awesome friends. I am loved and God’s got my back.
Forward Locomotion:
What little gifts were you given today? (maybe it’s a sunset, a beautiful flower you walk by, a smile from a friend or stranger, someone who holds an elevator door open for you, a friend who answers your call when you really need to talk, your favorite song that just happens to play on your playlist at the exact right time. The world is full of little blessings, if we are open to receive and to see them.
With Love,
Z :)
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