I’m in the bathroom scrunching up a pair of pantyhose into both sides of my palms and pulling them over my toes, up the length of my calves. They stick at my thighs – seemingly too short to reach my hips. I think, “Frick. I bought the wrong size.” But my confusion lingers. I purposely read the size chart on the back of the package and this should be my size? I tease them up my calves, tugging where any millimeter...
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Let’s pretend that you’re going through a rough time. You decide that your life sucks enough to book a therapy session. You sink down in the chair and tell the therapist your secret, expecting her to hold your unpredictable monster in the safety net of her hands. What if, instead of doing this, she responded with, “Well what if it was okay?” You might be thinking. 1) I don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent this month....
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I remember one summer when I’d come back from a trip. My intestines had become slower than a snail. I couldn’t use the bathroom without pills. I was depressed, exhausted, and wanted to fade into oblivion. I was having a hard time with life. I remained the same “heavy” weight despite eating almost nothing everyday, because I was terrified of the constant side pain in my abdomen. I thought I was dying and I probably deserved it,...
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If writing is much about discipline as it is creativity, then it requires writing constantly despite the feeling or lack thereof. That’s an interesting balance for me because I have in the past pushed myself and ignored my feelings. I have pushed through pain in sports and hunger in my eating disorder. I remember sunny afternoons, forcing myself to run through the neighborhoods in the valley behind my high school. My...
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There seem to be so many things in life that are contradictory. Take for example, comparison. Comparison can be helpful in motivating or inspiring us towards a goal. It can prove that something is possible and we can do it too. It can also cause us to feel defeated, and that we’re never going to be as good. Why even try? The actual definition of comparison is: “the act of looking at things to see how they are similar or...
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Meanwhile in the fish bowl . . . Big fish big fish let me dive in. Can’t there’s no space for both of us to swim. This morning while doing sit-ups at the gym a personal trainer strolled past and asked if he could show me a few alternate moves to isolate and work multiple muscle groups at once. “No thanks, I’m pretty sexy on my own,” I said. Haha. No, I didn’t. I said, “Sure,” but what I found more fascinating than the new...
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