Letting Go
By Z Zoccolante
So there’s this situation that I’ve been having a difficult time letting go of. As much as I try it seems to be shifting like laundry on a clothesline, waving back and forth in the wind not really going anywhere but making a lot of motion.
The phrase let it go, often makes me want to punch someone in the face or break down in tears. If I knew how to do that I’d have done that YESTERDAY, duh!
So this phrase, just “let it go”. I’ve been told that it can be simple, easy. I want that.
I go to the dog beach with my little love. She frolics in the sand and prances through the water. She is covered in sand, sunshine, and happiness. She walks all over my blanket with her little sandy paws.
As I’m on the phone with my brother another dog steals her ball. I let the dog have it to play because, why not. I’ll just get it back later.
I’m still on the phone when the guy with the dog gets up from his beach chair and walks down the beach, carrying my tennis ball. I’m still on the phone with my brother so I think, I’ll get it back later from him.
Fast forward to later when I see him return with his dog and a ginormous log and not my tennis ball in sight. I ask him, “Hey, that was my ball. Do you have it?”
He gives me a shrug and says, “Oh another dog stole it,” as though he’s almost blaming another dog for his inability to keep attention on a ball that’s not even his.
I stare at him for a solid three seconds in silence before I blink, say, “ok,” and walk away. I meander back to my beach towel thinking, this little asshole is rude as hell. Who the hell steals a ball that doesn’t even belong to you and then not return it and act all nonchalant like that. What a jerk.
Now little love has no ball. She looks at me with her brown eyes, wanting to play. But I have no ball because of jerk face. Ugh.
As I pack my things a few minutes later something shifts in me. Instead of continuing to dig this guy a shallow grave I decide instead to say, oh well. I decide that I will not make him a bad person, that I will forgive him and wish him well. It’s a tennis ball and I can get another one.
In my heart of hearts I find myself truly letting it go as though it was like sand on a beach towel and I threw the towel in the air.
About 30 seconds later as I walk up to my car, away from the beach and the other dogs, there in the sand lies a brand new tennis ball, as though it’s been waiting just for me.
The timing is what I call a God moment, when I look down and think, yep God could not have showed me the lesson more clear if I was slapped in the face.
I let it go and IMMEDIATELY another newer, shinier tennis ball shows up as a gift for me.
And I pick it up and say, Ok God. I got the lesson.
Maybe letting go is simply a choice to do so. Maybe when we choose there is room for God to show up.
So tonight, I will go after writing this to my room and I will pray and most likely cry and sit with feelings that I don’t necessarily want to feel. I’m still not sure how exactly to let this thing go, but God has clearly showed me that when I do He provides me something even better.
So cheers to not knowing how to get there. As I used to say, “You don’t need to know how to get there. You just have to know that is where you want to be.”
With Love,
Z :)
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