Who doesn’t love to be praised, to be told they’re spectacular and wonderful, the best thing since sliced bread? Lisa Simpson, who has the intelligence of a college student in the body of an eight year old, is a classic example of how we can be cognitively intelligent and still find ourselves seeking attention and validation.

Amongst adults, Lisa is praised for her intellect. At one point Principal Skinner tells her, “You’re the only one keeping this school accredited.” On the other hand, she is chastised by her peers for being too “brainy,” is a social outcast, and is often being made fun of.

She represents those times in life when we don’t feel like we fit in anywhere. Perhaps we have wondered if it’s worth changing or hiding parts of ourselves so that we can have friends and a sense of belonging?

The other side of us knows, deep down, that superficial connection won’t fill the void, the desire to be understood, the desire for real connection. It’s an isolating feeling being surrounded by a room full of people, and still feeling alone.

In one episode, chaos results from the children having free reign of the classroom. No one is learning anything, in fact, they laugh about how they are forgetting things. Lisa is completely unnerved because no one is being graded and that is the one thing that symbolizes her worth.

At home that night, she holds a piece of paper up to her mom and yells frantically,

‘Grade me. Grade me. Tell me I’m good.’

Marge, her mother, gives her trademark frowny noise, and is visibly distressed as she squiggles an A at the top of the page. When Lisa gets it back, she holds it against her chest and sighs deeply into the calm it brings her.

I laugh every time, but also realize it’s sad that we all have a frantic need to be told we are good, to believe we are good, and to have it validated.  Some people live their whole lives trying to please a withholding parent, subconsciously seeking to be good enough, to arrive at that place they can finally sigh and relax.

In an interview I was watching recently, DMX, the rapper, said, “One thing I’ve learned is not to accept anybody’s belief about how they feel about me. Because if you believe them when they tell you that you’re on the top of the world and you’re the king, then you’re going to believe them when they tell you that you ain’t s**t. So it’s like, you know what, I appreciate the compliment (if it’s a compliment) but I’m going to stick to what I believe about myself, and I love me.”

I found myself thinking about this in church on Palm Sunday. Palm Sunday, for those of you who aren’t familiar, is when Jesus rode on a colt into Jerusalem. As the whole crowd of disciples saw him coming they began to joyfully praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen. (If you are of another faith, etc., please stick with me for the metaphor)

We might relate to this today in lieu of rock stars or celebrities. Crowds gather to see them perform, to get autographs, and to have their photos taken with them. The feeling of being on a stage and having thousands of people chat your name must be such an overwhelmingly high feeling of power and awe.

What if that were you on stage? Thousands of people are chanting your name. Thousands of people know your name, and they are all looking to you with excitement in their eyes.

The thing that caught me most in church, was that the crowd of people praising Jesus as he rode into Jerusalem, were the same people that just a week later would be shouting violently for him to be crucified. In just a week, the crowd who was blessing him, chanted for his death.

I don’t know about you, but that seems like a pretty fickle crowd. In the end, Jesus was rejected by all his followers and betrayed by his closest friends. It wasn’t in the sense of – they didn’t buy his newest record, didn’t watch his latest movie, or talked trash about him in social circles.

People’s inability to take a stand for him resulted in his death by crucifixion. (Which is a horrific way to die, and was reserved in that time period, for criminals)

This story above also makes what DMX said so spot on.

If we believe what the critics say, then we have to believe what they say about us ALL the time, not just when they say the things that we like. However, if we base our worth and value on what others think of us, we are going to be on a wild rollercoaster.

We would be handing over our personal sense of worth to a crowd who may not know our worth. We may walk away scathed and downcast, perpetually feeling inadequate. Up. Down. Up. Down. Spin. Spin. Spin. Throw up. Pretend smile. Do it again.

Holding our own sense of worth is vitally important if we are to have sanity and self-love. For myself, it took a time period of going away from God, to realize that He loves me and is proud of me, even when I do stupid things. I still notice my tendency to step onto the rollercoaster of other people’s criticism, both praise and rejection, but I find that my sense of self is more solid now and I am able to hold things up against the view I hold of myself. It keeps me grateful, humble, and driven, along with a large portion of laughter.

We are all doing our best at any given time, based on what we know at that time.  Learn all about you, love you, and hang out with people who love you too. It’s always fantastical to be told we are good, but it’s far better when we already believe that about ourselves.

With Love,

Z :)