There seems to be that one day out of the week where I look towards my husband, head down, eyes at an upwards angle, like a puppy and say, “I feel like I’m more depressed than most people. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
To which he replies, “There’s nothing wrong with you! Stop saying that or you’ll make yourself depressed!” Directly pointed, but nevertheless good advice.
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he be”
― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
Touché.
Perhaps one of the problems is that everyone now a days advertises their highlight reel:
“Just had a kick ass day at the gym. Smiley face.” . . . followed by a selfie of their amazing ass.
Or
“Loving life on set, really excited about my other five auditions this week, and my new book deal, and my new baby kitten.” . . . followed by 20 sickeningly adorable kitty photos on instagram.
These are all exaggerations, and just to be clear, I’m honestly excited that your ass is what I will always desire to have, and that your career is taking off, and that your kitten is so cute I want to baby shake it.
In fact, I’m really super stoked for you AND, here’s the point.
I tend to forget that the things people are posting are things from their reel of amazingness, which are true, AND they don’t represent someone in their entirety.
Years go, when I was in the hospital for my eating disorder, I remember having a conversation with two of my friends and fellow patients. We talked about how we all looked at each other thinking that the other person was more accomplished than we were, and then felt badly about ourselves.
In that room I realized that accomplishments are all relative,
and just because we are amazing,
it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to also feel crappy about ourselves.
Since that time I have “accomplished” many more things and am still working towards others, but when I’m lying in bed at the end of the day, what makes me feel accomplished are not usually the huge things, but instead the small, tiny ones, the little moments:
-The close friend who calls to tell me they miss me, and a time period I that we shared was one of the happiest in their lives thus far.
-When my mom asks me what my new fiction novel is about (which I’m keeping secret for now) and then listens as I explain the long version and laugh five minutes later saying, “I realize I need to figure out the story line in a few sentences.”
-The first bite of a warm chocolate chip cookie.
-A friend who told me something I wrote brought tears to their eyes.
-Sun on my skin.
-The person sleeping next to me, who loves me with all his heart, in spite of my quirkiness.
-When the first words I’m greeted with at home are, “Hi, my little superstar!”
When I look at my highlight reel it sometimes seems that the “me” on paper can be better than the way I feel about myself. It isn’t false advertising though, because I have done x, y, and z. Yet, most days, it takes all my energy to wake up and push my rock up the hill. Does this take more or less effort than other people pushing their rocks? I don’t know, and really that’s the wrong question to ask. Who cares? Am I going to be waking up and pushing their rocks tomorrow? Nope.
It’s akin to the slightly infuriating answer to the following question:
Q: How long will it take to (finish)?
A: It will take as long as it takes.
We all have different rocks.
So, allow yourself to be okay with YOUR LIFE REEL as a whole- the awesome parts, the okay parts, the crappy parts, and the parts where you close your eyes and have to repeat, “There is nothing wrong with me.”
Not all our moments can be spectacular but as a whole let’s please say, “We are pretty frickin awesome!” . . . followed by a selfie of the most adorable kitten, sleeping on our rock hard bootie, while one hand holds sides for our audition, and the other holds a warm chocolate chip cookie.
Boom. Drop mic. Peace out.
With Love,
Z :)
2 April, 2014
So true! Often times when watching the fabulous life of the rich and famous, specifically when watching rap videos, there is a feeling of like I am missing out on the life that is being portrayed so glamorously, even though these rap stars or movie stars are selling this lifestyle of pleasures and highlights, I have to remind myself, I got to live the glamourous life in my own way, at one point, and maybe it is my self addiction to repeat it all as everyone who craves, covets and seeks, maybe vicariously, through others doing it in the moment. Yet the truth is the moment is only perpetual in these frozen time caps of media, nothing last forever, all things pass, and each and everyone of these stars has to go to sleep and wake up and though the night before might have been the highest high, the chemicals are gone, the moment only preserved in memory and everything comes back to the baseline. Even though most our lives exist in baseline we glorify the people who break the mold of that baseline living and trying to exist in the perpetual highlight reel of their lives. When you and I know that we’ve all experimented too in life and chasing highs even gets old and we burn out, get board and definitely become jaded even to our ultimates. The Fact is everything is in Flux constantly and after a while all people get to the highlight reel of their life that no longer exists in seeking the extreme of what others have told them to seek, others have programmed to experience, culture has conditioned on our minds, because as we arrive we pass through in that phase and realize we are still seeking maybe the highlife which does not satisfy. Yet what does satisfy completely if all things are ever changing. Well for me it is summed up the one word, “Peace”. Peace to look through the looking glass of of history of both yours and others and say, a time and place for everything under the sun, a time to be high, a time to be low, a time to reflect and a time to grow but through everything, Peace. Because it seems nothing can be held onto one must find wisdom in the teachings of the great books which state whatever you do be unattached to the outcome of good or bad, wherein is a silent state of perpetual rest in a peace that nothing else matters but being at peace. So next time I see a rap video that glorifies the pleasures of sex drugs and fame I can realize that I don’t have to be that rapper because everything being “sold” to us may be just another vice of endless addiction and relentless struggle to keep what we have created for ourselves, the highlight reel, which is dangerously deceptive leaving one in constant dissatisfaction after the momentary bliss fades away. So as we live out that highlight reel or vicariously through others, find peace in the bliss and the comedown. I am not saying stay baseline, no, go live out your bliss, but we all have to find peace in whatever we are going through. When we do, we can realize the ease of living rather than the anxiety of always having to arrive at a destination. The destination is where you are, peace had in your self, within the now of the satisfaction of not what you don’t have yet but what you have now and what you have already been given to experience. The one thing that brings peace to me is that we are all created as equals in our health. This means that no matter rich or poor we don’t have a one up on another in what we can experience in ourselves, in our bodies. We all can feel the same emotions of our little pharmacy within us, pleasures and pain, and the great thing is that it is entitled to every human being, not just if you have money or had successes in certain ways, the homeless bum on the streets can get the same glimpses of bliss and contentment and peace as the one who spent his whole life climbing to the top to finally let himself feel that. The sun shines on all of us, and health is your true wealth allowing all things to come to you when you allow, don’t be anxious for anything, all the highlights are illusions, something being “sold” to you as a propaganda campaign for happiness and peace once you have arrived at such and such destination of experience. We all feel the whole array of our human existence no matter our race, creed, or status, so don’t be jealous or covet what another person has, peace and contentment are the strongholds of happy living after all of the bliss and ecstasy flies by. You are the own creator of your life with your mind’s perception of things. Think Blessed already!
2 April, 2014
So true. The “fabulous lives of the rich and famous.” Nice transientness. “Our little pharmacy within us.” Huge concepts in a such a simple sentence.
2 April, 2014
Picture perfect is a bit different than the perfect that GOD sees.You are a diamond in the ruff with its facets sparkling just before the polish that brings out the true luster.