This is Not My Backup Plan
by Z Zoccolante

I’ve never been a person to have one specific dream. During one month as a child, I wanted to be a writer, a basketball player, a karate instructor, and a garbage man. I wanted to dive for buried treasure, breathe underwater, fly, and read people’s minds.

My make pretend worlds carried over into my real one. I’d wash the dishes and do chores while in character. Living various different lives had an appeal, like a chameleon morphing as it moves through different terrain. Acting seemed like a perfect dream.

But I wanted to be more than a chameleon. I’ve always written and my fascination with psychology maintained a gentle swirl.

As kids, we’re taught to choose one career path and follow the steps to its completion. But what if we’re not sure what we want? Or what if we want more than one thing?

There are lots of people who have more than one dream. There are also many people who get bored and like to jump around in different jobs and fields.

I’m a jumper; staying tends to be my life challenge. With us jumpers, committing is something that’s done with careful consideration and piles of internal stress.

On the outside, it may appear that we’re impulsive, but it’s because we’ve been rolling over the decision for months or even years. Then one day, something snaps and we think, “Yep, today’s the day I’m gonna (fill in the blank).”

My “fill-in-the-blank” has been going back to school to become a licensed therapist. Twelve days after the shift occurred I began my MA in counseling psychology.

During the twelve days, a compilation of insecurities, doubt, and trust issues circled in the stress.

There was anxiety about pursuing this degree because it adds another path to my life plan. Also, my acting and psychology paths could bump heads (schedule wise). I came to terms with this by realizing that either way it’s a win-win because they’re both dreams of mine.

“How lucky that I get to pursue my dreams,” I tell myself as I settle into the groove of a school commitment.

Then, just when I’ve come to terms with commitment, in comes the person with the pinprick.

My pinprick told me that it was great that I’d decided to enroll in the program so that I’d have a backup plan for my acting.

Hold up. Whaaaaaaat?

My first internal, mature reaction was to express myself in a four-letter word beginning with F. My second was to think, “You don’t know me! You don’t know my path!” Why would someone say that? That’s like what NOT to say to an actor 101: “Oh yes, why don’t you get a degree in case your dream doesn’t happen.”

I do get it. It seems logical. And I’m sure people mean well, but it’s not anyone’s job to predict my life for me.

But wait, we’re taught that backup plans are good right? Well, theoretically yes, they are, AND I don’t consider my MA degree as a backup plan.

My BA and 3 vocational degrees were NOT backup plans. I pursued things I was interested in and then worked in those different fields for set periods of time. I jumped around because every new thing I learned eventually sparked my interest in something else. So I kept jumping.

For me, jumping is an adjunct. It’s following a true path, even if it’s not the one that others might see.

For me, psychology is an adjunct to my life plan. My writing, acting, and psychology are all connected and they feed each other in a symbiotic system, like the drawing of the snake eating its own tail.

My life, like your life, doesn’t have to be just one thing. Decisions to pursue an adjunct path, doesn’t mean we’re giving up on our first path, or that we’re less than confident about it.

We can do the things we love and be of service to others. If we believe it, the world can be a place of abundance where we can have all our dreams work together.

There’s a phrase I used daily during a tumultuous time in my life, when I had no idea what my future would look like. It went like this, “Please God please let BLANK happen . . . OR something better.”

I think the “something better” part is the key. It allows us to trust in a space of abundance, where all things weave together for our good.

Final thoughts:
If you have one dream, or multiple dreams, how awesome! No ones gets to decide your path but you. Be confident and move in the direction of the things that bring you joy.

With Love,
Z :)